1:40pm Live from LA, the capital of crazy it’s the Michael Jackson memorial.
1:45pm July 7
MC and Pastor Lucius Harris speaking. Teal shirt/tie/hanky combo? Teal is a big hit at funerals.
1:46pm July 7
I love Mariah. Voice like an angel, sexy in all the wrong ways. Want to piss a girl off? Tell them Mariah is sexy.
at 1:49pm July 7
Queen Latifah!!!!! Now that’s what I’m talking about. Nothing says dignity like the star of Living Single, House Party 2 and Set it Off.
“And when he passes he shall be mourned by no less than a Queen”
1:51pm July 7
Also, Maya Angela must be broke or real bored. She’ll pull a poem out of her ass for anything, except maybe a white guy-though not a white woman apparently (see what I did there?)
1:52pm July 7
Lionel Richie is an absolute stud, but this song still sucks.
1:56pm July 7
Incidentally, If you’re at the Staples center right now, you don’t have a job and, frankly, aren’t likely to be the type of person who people hire.
1:58pm July 7
The Motown guy is on now (Berry Gordy) he says MJ sucked at sports. No shit, you don’t say?
1:59pm July 7
The Pall bearers are all wearing rhinestone gloves. So awesome - my head is about to explode.
2:01pm July 7
Berry Gordy: after the moon walk “MJ’s life went into orbit and never returned” Yeah. I’d say that’s pretty accurate.
Barry Gordy: ” he had a Kill or be killed mentality”, yeah he probably saw it that way. its not like his father would beat the shit out of him if he didnt perform correctly.
2:04pm July 7
Gordy just called him the G.O.A.T. Or to be more precise G.E.T.E.L-which doesn’t really work out the way GOAT does. Also-30 mins in and I’ve made no kid touching jokes.
2:04pm July 7
here comes the video! yes!
2:05pm July 7
btw-they will be showing video footage of his rehearsal the day before he died.
2:05pm July 7
First mooooonwalk. Who had the ‘over’ on 30 mins?
Lara Kleinschmidt at 2:05pm July 7im crossing my fingers for wassupwitchu-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9cQOcAC_K8
2:08pm July 7
And here comes Stevie Wonder, the only other guy in that room who knows what it’s like to be that talented. I bet he gets buried with his brain intact though.
Lara Kleinschmidt at 2:09pm July 7
how many people in at the staples center are hysterically crying their freaking eyes out right now?
Lara Kleinschmidt at 2:11pm July 7
“NO, i’m not, shut up, i just have dust in my eye or something.”
2:13pm July 7
yeah, it’s really dusty over here too. The eye leakage has nothing to do with Stevie. I just need a maid.
2:14pm July 7
Stevie! He’s killin me here. It’s the best he’s been in years too. Holy crap.
2:16pm July 7
“Wait, you want me to go on after Stevie F*cking Wonder?!?!”
Lara Kleinschmidt at 2:16pm July 7
and now… Kobe? Really?
2:16pm July 7
It is where the Lakers play after all. WTF?!??
2:18pm July 7
Michael could set a mean high screen too. But nobody shoots like Prince. What the hell is happening here?
2:22pm July 7
Jennifer Hudson on now. After what happened to her, she could engineer a genocide and you’d still have to forgive her. Good at the singing too.
2:26pm July 7
So, this is what they call a “happening” the whole world is tuned in. Watching and dancing in the streets and shit. The world is filled with wars, famine, plague and sorrow. But THIS is what people care about. THIS is what matters and unites people.
Human beings, I’ll never understand
2:27pm July 7
Al Sharpton. Beneath contempt. They are eating out of his hand
2:29pm July 7
‘MJ made Obama president.’ Thanks Sharpton, I expected no less.
2:32pm July 7
“I wan’t his 3 children to know-ain’t nothing strange about your daddy”- I have nothing to add to this. Al Sharpton ladies and gentlemen.
2:35pm July 7
If this is John Mayer, And he pulls this off, I’ll be pissed.
2:35pm July 7
Not singing-doesn’t have the balls. Knew it.
2:38pm July 7
We’ve already heard variations of 10 great MJ songs. He was indeed prolific.
2:40pm July 7
Brooke Shields. Here we go. Passed her on the street two weeks ago. 6’4” with heels on and she is one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen. period.
I really hope MJ hit that.
2:46pm July 7
………”The night before Liz Taylor’s wedding, Michael and I snuck into her bedroom to see her dress, giggling the whole time..” OK, it’s pretty safe to assume he didn’t hit that.
2:48pm July 7
We’ve got a Jackson on stage. I repeat. We have a Jackson. on. stage.
2:51pm July 7
how long has Jermain been thinking about this very performance? 10 years? more?
2:52pm July 7
Well played Jermaine. Well played.
2:56pm July 7
Martin Luther King Jr.’s son is on now. Martin. Luther. King. The blood of MLK himself. Icon. Agent of change. The ever loving, non violent, patriot.
-MJ paid $22 million to settle an underage sexual abuse claim.
3:00pm July 7
Oh good. A member of congress is speaking now. Within a matter of minutes, your taxes will be paying for this.
3:03pm July 7
Rep. Jackson (D-Tex) “We members of congress know the constitution” Again. Nothing I could possibly add here.
3:06pm July 7
Humanitarian work is important. MJ’s efforts as a philanthropist should be acknowledged.
3:06pm July 7
WTF!! Congressional measures??
3:07pm July 7
The person from the government has finally left. Thank. F*cking. God. They screw up everything.
3:09pm July 7
Hey, it’s Usher! Usher and JT should pay the MJ estate royalties.
3:14pm July 7
Umm….Smokey Robinson doesn’t age. He’s a robot.
3:15pm July 7
In a related note “Smokey” is a badass nicknames. Black people hand out better nicknames.
3:17pm July 7
There are a lot of people up there saying they “thought they would never see this day” ???? Really? You didn’t see this coming?? You did know the guy right?
3:22pm July 7
Shaheen Jafargholi is singing “Who’s loving you” he’s 12 or something. he’s handling it. he’s handling little michael. That’s an effing accomplishment. That’s talent.
3:23pm July 7
…..and Britain’s got it.
3:24pm July 7
OOOOH OOOH here comes the video of the Rehersals before he died.
3:27pm July 7
pump fake-‘we are the world’ instead, except this time with not one single famous person.
3:30pm July 7
Okay. Everyone on stage now. Whole family.
Janet not handling this well.
Scream was an awesome video. MJ playing future squash on a spaceship while Janet (smoking hot) runs around the ship trying to find the bathroom or something.
Only one they ever did together——Still the most expensive video of all time. I give you the Jackson family.
3:31pm July 7
Should I be doing actual work?
3:37pm July 7
Which one is this? Tito? Oh wait, it’s Mario. Which one is Tito?
Anyway Mario, the lord ‘took your brother’ because he was taking daily doses of pain meds that you wouldn’t give a horse with a broken leg.
3:39pm July 7
Mario is talking for a while here. I’m sensing a power shift in the family dynamic. Go long Mario, short Jermaine.
3:49pm July 7
It’s over. Wow! What a spectacle! How surreal, how bizarre, what a talent, what music, and how sad is the circus it all became?
At the end of the day, the Jackson’s still know how to put on a show.
