von Kleinschmidt

for those with any ties to Ohio.

Sun, 20 Sep 2009 21:28:22 -0400

for those with any ties to Ohio.

Ordering Pizza in 2015

Tue, 25 Aug 2009 12:45:07 -0400

Ordering Pizza in 2015:

Terrifying

A passing thought on the rules of dating

Mon, 24 Aug 2009 23:00:52 -0400

A while back, Kendra (she of wiggerish “Girls Next Door” fame) replied to an email that asked“ how long should you wait until you have sex?” By saying “if it takes 5, 10 or even 15 dates, then that is absolutely ok too!”

You could infer that such a statement by such a person is a ludicrous attempt to hide her past and enhance her now pregnant image. But (at the risk of extending too much credit here) you could also argue that there is tons of hot a** knocking about this planet, and that a gal like Kendra may have gotten to where she is (like it or not) by holding out a little. Picking and choosing her spots - so to speak.. In fairness, girls have good reason and every right to hold out - let’s not forget they are far more intelligent on these matters

While I wear a promise ring, many late 20’s and early 30’s are familiar with the increasing complexity of the dating situations as well as the legendary adage that by the third or fourth date - earnest dates here fellows: drinks, a nice formal diner, perhaps followed up by a more casual activity (there is no such thing as group date anymore)- the horizontal mambo should become a part of the equation. To put it even more crudely, it may be a crucial part of the evaluating process of a relationship’s chances.

Naturally, each relationship has its unique dynamics and moves at its own pace. But some broad rule on the subject is applicable to any relationship. To be frank, at some point both parties should want to rip each other’s clothes off. Otherwise (unless you walk away) you’re about to enter an awkward, forced friendship that one party will likely let fade away. So I leave it to you fair reader. Obviously, I am more interested in the female perspective- given the fact the a young (ish) man’s response is likely to be more predictable.

Crash for Clunkers

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 13:44:14 -0400

Crash for Clunkers

The Economist: Leaders

Fri, 31 Jul 2009 13:25:03 -0400

The Economist: Leaders:

A little more realpolitik than their usual vagaries. The article sums up the fickle nature of politics and suggests that this is a presidency in danger. I’m not sure I agree with that assessment. We’re only two hundred days in and there will be several undulations between now and 2010, to say little of 2012.

Mitt Romney looks pretty damn great right now (except for that small hiccup that is his disastrous healthcare plan bankrupting Massachusetts) but I don’t think Republicans have spent enough time in the ‘wilderness’ to be much use to anyone if they swoop in merely on the back of Democratic f*ck ups.

Why Everything Sucks

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 18:56:51 -0400

Why Everything Sucks

Car that doesn’t make me want to join the Army.

Tue, 14 Jul 2009 18:03:34 -0400

Car that doesn’t make me want to join the Army.

Car that does.

Tue, 14 Jul 2009 18:02:32 -0400

Car that does.

MJ Memorial. F*ck it. This requires a live blog

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 16:14:00 -0400

1:40pm Live from LA, the capital of crazy it’s the Michael Jackson memorial.

1:45pm July 7

MC and Pastor Lucius Harris speaking. Teal shirt/tie/hanky combo? Teal is a big hit at funerals.

1:46pm July 7

I love Mariah. Voice like an angel, sexy in all the wrong ways. Want to piss a girl off? Tell them Mariah is sexy.

at 1:49pm July 7

Queen Latifah!!!!! Now that’s what I’m talking about. Nothing says dignity like the star of Living Single, House Party 2 and Set it Off.

“And when he passes he shall be mourned by no less than a Queen”

1:51pm July 7

Also, Maya Angela must be broke or real bored. She’ll pull a poem out of her ass for anything, except maybe a white guy-though not a white woman apparently (see what I did there?)

1:52pm July 7

Lionel Richie is an absolute stud, but this song still sucks.

1:56pm July 7

Incidentally, If you’re at the Staples center right now, you don’t have a job and, frankly, aren’t likely to be the type of person who people hire.

1:58pm July 7

The Motown guy is on now (Berry Gordy) he says MJ sucked at sports. No shit, you don’t say?

1:59pm July 7

The Pall bearers are all wearing rhinestone gloves. So awesome - my head is about to explode.

2:01pm July 7

Berry Gordy: after the moon walk “MJ’s life went into orbit and never returned” Yeah. I’d say that’s pretty accurate.

Barry Gordy: ” he had a Kill or be killed mentality”, yeah he probably saw it that way. its not like his father would beat the shit out of him if he didnt perform correctly.

2:04pm July 7

Gordy just called him the G.O.A.T. Or to be more precise G.E.T.E.L-which doesn’t really work out the way GOAT does. Also-30 mins in and I’ve made no kid touching jokes.

2:04pm July 7

here comes the video! yes!

2:05pm July 7

btw-they will be showing video footage of his rehearsal the day before he died.

2:05pm July 7

First mooooonwalk. Who had the ‘over’ on 30 mins?

Lara Kleinschmidt at 2:05pm July 7im crossing my fingers for wassupwitchu-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9cQOcAC_K8

2:08pm July 7

And here comes Stevie Wonder, the only other guy in that room who knows what it’s like to be that talented. I bet he gets buried with his brain intact though.

Lara Kleinschmidt at 2:09pm July 7

how many people in at the staples center are hysterically crying their freaking eyes out right now?

Lara Kleinschmidt at 2:11pm July 7

“NO, i’m not, shut up, i just have dust in my eye or something.”

2:13pm July 7

yeah, it’s really dusty over here too. The eye leakage has nothing to do with Stevie. I just need a maid.

2:14pm July 7

Stevie! He’s killin me here. It’s the best he’s been in years too. Holy crap.

2:16pm July 7

“Wait, you want me to go on after Stevie F*cking Wonder?!?!”

Lara Kleinschmidt at 2:16pm July 7

and now… Kobe? Really?

2:16pm July 7

It is where the Lakers play after all. WTF?!??

2:18pm July 7

Michael could set a mean high screen too. But nobody shoots like Prince. What the hell is happening here?

2:22pm July 7

Jennifer Hudson on now. After what happened to her, she could engineer a genocide and you’d still have to forgive her. Good at the singing too.

2:26pm July 7

So, this is what they call a “happening” the whole world is tuned in. Watching and dancing in the streets and shit. The world is filled with wars, famine, plague and sorrow. But THIS is what people care about. THIS is what matters and unites people.

Human beings, I’ll never understand

2:27pm July 7

Al Sharpton. Beneath contempt. They are eating out of his hand

2:29pm July 7

‘MJ made Obama president.’ Thanks Sharpton, I expected no less.

2:32pm July 7

“I wan’t his 3 children to know-ain’t nothing strange about your daddy”- I have nothing to add to this. Al Sharpton ladies and gentlemen.

2:35pm July 7

If this is John Mayer, And he pulls this off, I’ll be pissed.

2:35pm July 7

Not singing-doesn’t have the balls. Knew it.

2:38pm July 7

We’ve already heard variations of 10 great MJ songs. He was indeed prolific.

2:40pm July 7

Brooke Shields. Here we go. Passed her on the street two weeks ago. 6’4” with heels on and she is one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen. period.

I really hope MJ hit that.

2:46pm July 7

………”The night before Liz Taylor’s wedding, Michael and I snuck into her bedroom to see her dress, giggling the whole time..” OK, it’s pretty safe to assume he didn’t hit that.

2:48pm July 7

We’ve got a Jackson on stage. I repeat. We have a Jackson. on. stage.

2:51pm July 7

how long has Jermain been thinking about this very performance? 10 years? more?

2:52pm July 7

Well played Jermaine. Well played.

2:56pm July 7

Martin Luther King Jr.’s son is on now. Martin. Luther. King. The blood of MLK himself. Icon. Agent of change. The ever loving, non violent, patriot.

-MJ paid $22 million to settle an underage sexual abuse claim.

3:00pm July 7

Oh good. A member of congress is speaking now. Within a matter of minutes, your taxes will be paying for this.

3:03pm July 7

Rep. Jackson (D-Tex) “We members of congress know the constitution” Again. Nothing I could possibly add here.

3:06pm July 7

Humanitarian work is important. MJ’s efforts as a philanthropist should be acknowledged.

3:06pm July 7

WTF!! Congressional measures??

3:07pm July 7

The person from the government has finally left. Thank. F*cking. God. They screw up everything.

3:09pm July 7

Hey, it’s Usher! Usher and JT should pay the MJ estate royalties.

3:14pm July 7

Umm….Smokey Robinson doesn’t age. He’s a robot.

3:15pm July 7

In a related note “Smokey” is a badass nicknames. Black people hand out better nicknames.

3:17pm July 7

There are a lot of people up there saying they “thought they would never see this day” ???? Really? You didn’t see this coming?? You did know the guy right?

3:22pm July 7

Shaheen Jafargholi is singing “Who’s loving you” he’s 12 or something. he’s handling it. he’s handling little michael. That’s an effing accomplishment. That’s talent.

3:23pm July 7

…..and Britain’s got it.

3:24pm July 7

OOOOH OOOH here comes the video of the Rehersals before he died.

3:27pm July 7

pump fake-‘we are the world’ instead, except this time with not one single famous person.

3:30pm July 7

Okay. Everyone on stage now. Whole family.

Janet not handling this well.

Scream was an awesome video. MJ playing future squash on a spaceship while Janet (smoking hot) runs around the ship trying to find the bathroom or something.
Only one they ever did together——Still the most expensive video of all time. I give you the Jackson family.

3:31pm July 7

Should I be doing actual work?

3:37pm July 7

Which one is this? Tito? Oh wait, it’s Mario. Which one is Tito?

Anyway Mario, the lord ‘took your brother’ because he was taking daily doses of pain meds that you wouldn’t give a horse with a broken leg.

3:39pm July 7

Mario is talking for a while here. I’m sensing a power shift in the family dynamic. Go long Mario, short Jermaine.

3:49pm July 7

It’s over. Wow! What a spectacle! How surreal, how bizarre, what a talent, what music, and how sad is the circus it all became?
At the end of the day, the Jackson’s still know how to put on a show.

Best. T-shirt. Ever?

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 11:59:00 -0400

Best. T-shirt. Ever?

The Great Musk Debate Rages on

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 11:33:00 -0400

The Great Musk Debate Rages on:

Follow the action or chime in at EtG.

Grief = FAIL.

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 22:07:49 -0400

Grief = FAIL.

MJ- A great singer and dancer, but the above must be noted. PK

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 12:10:00 -0400

MJ- A great singer and dancer, but the above must be noted.

Celebrity Death Pool

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 22:57:23 -0400

Who had MJ?

Naturally, Whinehouse was at the top of the list, but she might be a female Keith Richards/Ozzy Ozbourne-God help us.

So, this begs the question who are the other top Candidates?

Terminally ill (Swayze/Kennedy) and flat out OLD (Liz Taylor) don’t count. Maybe an exception for Queen Elizabeth.

Britney-Though she’s no longer using her babies soft spot as an ashtray and been on the upswing.

Courtney Love, http://www.postchronicle.com/news/original/article_212239407.shtml

Mr. T- I mean, come on.

Hulk Hogan-Dude be crazy.

Hasselhoff

Travis Barker (Final destination theory)

Lohan.

But man there are some folks I wish were on this list (starts with M ends with donna)

Thoughts on possibilities?

Safe to say, Gov. Sanford is relieved by the MJ news.

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 22:43:58 -0400

Safe to say, Gov. Sanford is relieved by the MJ news.

Gov Mark Sanford-Superpimp

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 09:26:48 -0400

“I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of the night’s light”

Pretty woman is always on TV...

Tue, 23 Jun 2009 18:27:00 -0400

Umm…Did I miss the part where Richard Gere sustains a serious head injury? Uh, Richard, she’s a hooker dude.

The best part is, chicks go bat-shit nuts over this film! “It’s so Romantic”. Yeah, except for the part where she’s a whore who doesn’t know where the salad fork goes.

Anyway, Gere plays a serious business man who buys companies and I wish I could go back in time and short the shit out of a company who’s Chief makes executive decisions like “marry hooker”

"Whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stranger"

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 21:44:52 -0400

““Whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stranger””

- Le Joker

"· “We have no desire whatsoever of getting involved in day-to-day operations of GM” –..."

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 18:15:00 -0400

“· “We have no desire whatsoever of getting involved in day-to-day operations of GM” – President Barack Obama in the wake of GM’s bankruptcy filing.
· Last week, GM CEO Fritz Henderson announced that GM was shuttering an unprofitable parts distribution center in Massachusetts.
· According to several reports, within hours of the aforementioned announcement, GM’s CEO received a call from Barney Frank (D-Massachusetts), Chairman of the House Financial Services Committee objecting to the closure.
· The next day, GM CEO Fritz Henderson announced that after further consideration, GM would NOT shutter the unprofitable parts distribution center in Massachusetts.”

- Viva La France

Can one Musk up AND Man up?

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 13:35:22 -0400

In his monolithic novel “Remembrance of Things Past”, Proust mentions how a
seemingly random sound, sight or smell can propel one back in time and
elicit incredibly powerful memories.

I was reminded of this when a man walked by my dinner table last night and
the scent of what could only be Hermes Equipage trailed him. I was
instantly transported back to my childhood as the image of the infamous Paul
L. flashed across my consciousness. When I was coming of age, I found the
so very French Monsieur. L. mesmerizing. A native Parisian, the 75 year-old
Monsieur. L. worked mostly out of New York, where he had built a business
and a family, but spent roughly half the week in the Caribbean with his
mistress. It was understood.

The man wrote marvelous and completely surreal accounts of his travels to
Africa, Europe and the Far East. They were utterly bizarre, mostly useless
and completely delicious. His suits were so fine they made Sinatra look
like a hobo, he was always perfectly quaffed and his custom cuffed shirts
were eccentric, as were his collection of suspenders, pens and cuff links.
Despite his age and countless (often illegitimate) offspring, no one would
ever mistake him for grandpa-everything about him let you know he was simply
too dangerous. A real character and a sight to behold, and I owe the fond
memory to his trademark fragrance (which, as a Frenchmen, he wore in
unapologetic abundance).

Seemingly then, the answer to the titled query is as follows: find a scent
that suits you, apply in moderation, make it synonymous with your presence
and move on to less trivial considerations. Yet I’ve always struggled with
this element of style. While some know I’m one half French (grace a Maman)
everyone can attest that I’m almost boorishly American. Real men, American
men, don’t wear ‘perfume’. Think about it- Gary Cooper, Cary Grant, James
Cagney, Jimmy Stewart, The freaking Duke-think these guys wondered “what
cologne defines me?” European men wear fragrances. They sit around in
speedos and watch Formula 1 racing. Classic American men can and should be
immaculately tailored, but mainly, we’re busy riding horses, kicking ass and
running/ruining the world here. Thanks, but we’ll let our women fret over
such details as scent. American men smell of mild perspiration and
domination.

My vacillation as it relates to the question at hand has forced me to
explore both sides of the issue. It is true-I’m almost immediately
suspicious of any fellow who saunters into a business meeting awash in some
dainty fragrance (and god help you if your wearing Drakar Noir.) But that
isn’t to say that scents should be worn exclusively by women. In fact, I’ve
nearly been mauled to death by a girl or two who’s found my preferred eu de
toilette irresistible (no, I won’t divulge the make). Seriously, like,
lucky to escape with my life. What red-blooded American can argue with that
kind of a result?

So, in summary: Musk up sparingly, only in the company of women, and only
for social occasions. Most importantly, don’t over do it (a splash on both
wrists, then rub on below the neck.) And for those who are interested but
unfamiliar, might I suggest Sex Panther by Odeon- It’s made with real bits
of panther you know.

PK